How I Fixed Naruto
by Darkbeast42
Summary: I was forced into the naruto world against my will with nothing but my phone luckily that's all I need to get rid of everything I don't like about this series. My version of a self insert, contains brief naruhina, one shot


**I don't own Naruto otherwise Madara would be dead**

As I was sitting on my couch I gave the hooded guy across from me a deadpan stare as I tried to figure out exactly why he was blocking my view to the T.V. The guy in question was a man of average height whearing a black hooded jacket and dark blue jeans. The strange thing was he appeared out of nowhere while I was trying to relax. "Who are you and can you please stop blocking the television." I asked a litle annoyed.

"I am the physical manifestation of and I have come to punish you for you for your crimes Darkbeast42." he bellowed in an overly dramatic way.

Confused and already getting tired of this guy I replied by saying, "First off that's impossible. Secondly what crime? And finally why are you calling me Darkbeast my names..."

He interrupted me by raising his hand and saying, "I don't care about your 'real world' name I am an entity of the internet and will address you by your internet name understand?" I sighed and shrugged before he continued. "As for your other questions I don't care if you believe me about my origins and your crime is for looking down on self insert stories" he finished with an accusing finger in my face.

"Let me get this straight. You manifested yourself out of nothing to punish me for an opinion I have never acted on."

"Yeah basically." He shrugged while still keeping his face hidden under his hood.

"Why?" I asked as I began rubbing my temple in exasperation.

He stiffened so I assume he became angry at my question. His rising volume confirmed my guess as he started speaking again. "Why? WHY!? It's because people like YOU don't understand how much they have to deal with everyday from people who insult fan fictions and self inserts so as punishment I'm transporting you to naruto universe so you can see what it's like!"

"Look, I'm sorry if I offended anybody but isn't coming to life and breaking breaking the laws of reality by sending me to another dimension going a little too far?" I asked hopping to end things now.

... I wasn't that lucky.

"Not at all this is divine punishment so stop talking so that I can send you away."

"And if I refuse to go?" I asked starting to feel defiant.

The guy who I will now refer to as FF (fan fiction) simply raised his hand and snapped before I found myself in a clearing surrounded by trees.

"Well crap." I muttered.

I looked down at myself and found that I was still wearing my every day clothes. Basically a plain white t-shirt and blue jeans. I sighed and shoved my hands in my pocket as i resigned myself to the fact I was probably going to be stuck here for a while. I will probably become OP and the boy friend of one of the main female characters of this world. "troublesome." I sighed out before my eyes widened after felling something in my pocket. I took it out and examined the object.

"Huh he forgot to take away my phone." I stated looking at my phone, "and look at that I have surprisingly good reception. Wait I wonder..." I trailed off as I opened my web browser and went on .

**One hour later **

I finally found the leaf village after wandering around for a while and entered through the gate... right past the two sleeping guards. "man security sucks around here." I said to myself absentmindedly before going off in a random direction.

After a few minutes of walking I came across the scene of Gai challenging Kakashi to a match.

"Come on my youthful rival we must race into the sunset to settle this stalemate we've been in for the last two days or we will never know who's flame of youth burns brighter!" He stated practically yelling by the the end.

Kakashi for his part merely sighed before saying in an annoyed tone "for the last time Gai I will never ever EVER accept another one of your stupid challenges after last time."

"Whelp time to test this out" I mutter before pulling out my phone and began typing in a document on fanfiction.

Gai was about to explains how the incident where they accidentally kicked Tora during a foot race and were subsequently sent to the hospital by the demon cat wasn't his fault when Kakashi began too look a little different. "Uh Kakashi are still feeling youthful" he asked worriedly.

Kakashi raised his head and looked straight into guys eyes before saying in a very serious tone "I won't accept another of your challenges..." he began before pointing at Gai dramatically and continued "until you give me my own youthful body suit!" He yelled energetically.

Suddenly all the nearby civilians and shinobi froze and turned their heads to stare at Kakashi as Gai's face went from surprise to a huge smile.

"You really mean it?"

"Of course I can no longer hold back my intense youthful urges! Now then" he began as he put an arm around Gai and pointed towards the horizon "let us run off into the sunset of glory."

"Of course my rival but first let me go fetch you a spare suit" he was about to run off towards his home to obtain said item but Kakashi grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around so that they were eye to eye.

"There's no more time for that! We must run off immediately or my flames of youth will simmer down to nothing more than a spark of shame."

"You're right Kakashi how could I be so unyouthfull let us be off!" He shouted before they ran off into the sunset despite the fact that it was still noon. All the spectators then ran off in a panic shouting about how now there are three of them.

As for my part I just looked at my phone and the letters on it that spelled out "**Kakashi then felt the power of youth**"

"I can't believe that actually worked although..." I began before looking towards where they ran off, "I think I just made a horrible mistake" I dead panned before shrugging and walking off again leaving everyone in their panicked state.

A few minutes later I found myself outside the academy on graduation day. I went around the outside until I was looking into Naruto's classroom before the tests were to begin. I pulled out my phone before I said with a dark grin, "Let's begin."

**Inside the class room**

Iruka was in the middle of giving his inspirational pre-test speech that he stayed up all last night writing despite the fact that no one was actually listening.

As he finished Mizuki walked in with a box of a head bands before turning to Iruka "Where do you want me to put these"

"Just put them in that corner"

Mizuki gave a small nod and obeyed his directions. But the second the box left his hands Mizuki had a small case of spontaneous combustion leaving nothing but a small pile of ashes behind for the gaping spectators.

Unimportant extra # 45 raised her hand before asking, "um sensei?"

"Yes unimportant extra # 45" Iruka responded never looking away from the ash pile

"Did Mizuki sensei just spontaneously burst into flames."

"yes, yes he did" Iruka replied while nodding.

Suddenly Sasuke stood up with his head down causing everyone to look at him. All at once Sasuke looked up while quickly shouting "I just realized my attitude and general emoness is ruining the image of my clan! I must correct my mistakes with blood!" After the last word Sasuke pulls out a knife and stabs himself in heart. Sasuke fell forward sprawled over his desk as the fan girls screamed.

"um sensei"

"yes Kiba"

"Did Sasuke just commit seppuku"

"it appears so" Iruka replied staring at his corps

Suddenly Naruto stands up as well

"Oh please Naruto not you too." Iruks begged not wanting another student to die on his watch

Naruto just ignored him and walked toward the back of the class then turned until he was standing over Hinata. Naruto looked Hinata in the eyes and said, "I just noticed how annoying Sakura is and how much I love you will you go out with me." Naruto finished louder than he started as he got nervous.

The room was silent for a full minute as Hinata just stared at Naruto. There was a shout of "YES!" and Naruto was tackled to the ground by the lavender blur that was now hugging him.

A few seconds of silence from the rest of the rooms occupants later ten chunin entered the room from all entrances surrounding the genin to be. The lead ninja stepped forward and said in a commanding voice, "By order of the hokage all annoying fan girls of the graduating class are to be eliminated so that they may not be allowed to corrupt the human gene pool."

"Wait what? When was this order made?" Iruka asked.

"Thirty seconds ago. Take them out men!" The chunin in charge shouted.

**Outside**

"Well my job here is done." I said to myself as I walk away ignoring Iruka's shouts of, "what's going on?"

I continue walking aimlessly as I consider what to do next, 'so far I've taken care of my hate for Sasuke and Sakura my desire to see naruhina become official and fulfilled my inner eight year olds desire to watch people burst into flames. Now I just need to take care of villains I don't like.' I finish my train of thought by pulling out my phone and getting to work.

**Sound village**

Orochimaru was currently looking over the pictures of the leafs clan heirs in his lab trying to decide which kekai genkai he should take when there was a knock on the door followed by Kabuto's voice, "Lord Orochimaru the police are here for you."

"Man **** the police! ... Sorry I don't where that came from. Anyways send them away." Orochimaru replied before pausing and thinking 'wait since when do we have a police force?'

"They won't go away sir they have a warrant to search your labs."

Before Orochimaru could begin to hide the evidence of his experiments the police break the door down and shove in a hand cuffed Kabuto followed by two police officers, "We heard reports of a pedophile in the area" began the first officer.

"Know anything about that?" asked the second officer

"What!? I didn't molest anyone!" Orochimaru shouted in outrage.

The first officer walked over to his desk and asked "then why do have a bunch of pictures of twelve year olds?"

"I was just going to kidnap them!" The officers raised their eye at this

"To molest them?"

"NO I JUST WANTED THER BODIES! No that didn't come out right! I... what the?" Orochimaru just then noticed the second officer cuffed him.

"Take him away." The first officer ordered

"NO! STOP! I WAS FRAMED!"

**Unspecified Forest**

Today was just another day for Obito like always he was making evil plans against the world because his childhood crush died. He was so busy moping he didn't realize that he was surrounded by wolfs till it was too late

**Anime Purgatory **

"So let me get this straight this is where anime characters that die go to if they end up getting revived later?" Yusuke asks as he sat down at a poker table in a white void of nothingness.

"Yeah they can't let us tell everyone what heaven or hell is like so they just send us here." Minato responds throwing fifty cents into the pot "there's not a whole lot to do here but play poker but you'll get used to it. I mean look at Krillin this is his... second time?"

Everyone turned to a short bald guy who lost all his money a while ago and was now crying over his lost money but took enough time away from his grieving to respond by saying "third"

"Whatever can we get back back to the game now or what?" Madara asks raising twenty-five cents. After every one had called it came down to Madara and Kushina " straight flush" Madara states reaching for the pot.

"Royal flush" Kushina responds beaming a smile

"WHAT THE HELL!" Madara yells angrily. After a few minutes of complaining about Uzumakis and there stupid luck he asks, "What's next?"

After a bright flash I appear on the poker table with my phone in my left hand and a revolver in my right and proceeded to shoot Madara in face six times. "Let's see your overpowered ass come back from that!" I yell before disappearing again.

Everyone at the table just shrugged and continued playing

**Rain Village**

"Nagato I have a letter for you." Konan states coming into the room where Nagato currently resides in

"Let me see it." He replies accepting the note

**Dear Nagato/Itachi **

**I am happy to inform you that I have taken the time to eliminate every villain in this world that I don't like. As you are the two best antagonists around you are expected to take there place. Don't screw this up**

**Sincerely Darkbeast42**

**P.S. Hey Nagato be a pal and forward this to Itachi for me thank you and goodby **

"Weird." He states before putting it away to give to Itachi later.

**Hokage Monument**

As I stare out over the village I can't help but compliment myself on a job well done.

"WHAT THE HELL!" an angry voice shouts. I look over to find an angry FF glaring at me.

"Sup?" I respond raising my hand in greeting

"Sup? SUP? I give you a punishment and leave you alone for THREE HOURS! and you turn this world upside down."

"I made it better." I respond simply

"Better? You just altered everything to your own likening."

"So? And it's your fault for not taking away my phone."

FF just sighs and pinches his nose, "Just tell me what you changed."

"Can you be specific?"

"Kakashi?"

"Off being youthful."

"Mizuki?"

"I really wanted to see what spontaneous combustion looked like."

"Sasuke?"

"Seppuku"

"Naruto?"

"off on a date"

"Sakura?"

"Executed" FF smiles at that or at least I think he did the hood blocks his face at all times.

"Orochimaru?"

"Currently getting twenty to life."

"Obito?"

"Mauled by wolfs"

"Madara?"

"Dead times two"

"Nagato?"

"Promoted are we done yet?"

"Just a second what about Danzo?"

"Oh yeah I forgot about him thanks for reminding me." And before FF could protest I use my phone to give Danzo a heart attack.

FF face palms and snaps his fingers sending me back home before I could do anything else. I shrug and go back to watching T.V.

**This is my first story for anything that's not school related so I realize it's probably going to suck so pleas review with constructive criticism to help me get better et writing**


End file.
